I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
