How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
