Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
