You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
