Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
