he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
