just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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