ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize