Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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