So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
