you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
