Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
