I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize