This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
