I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
