sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
