i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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