I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
