If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
