the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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