Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize