WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
