and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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