the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
