I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
