You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
You left your phone here
Wait...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize