I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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