Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
