You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
