Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
