Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
