it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
