There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
did i just pee glitter
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
