I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
