Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
