Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
