Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So squirting runs in the family.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
