there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
