You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize