I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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