dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Ketchup is God's man juice
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
