My friends, they love my intelligence
i already hear my dad disowning me
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
