i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
