I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
