Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
