I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize