the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
