There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
