I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
