i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
