im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize