your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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