On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
