What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
