put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize