just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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