I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
