I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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