its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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