Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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