theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's great music for shaving your balls
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
