I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
