hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
