Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
